The end of the world as we know it

It's come to my attention that the world is scheduled to end on Dec. 21, 2012.

I was going to do a preview of Saturday's Famous Idaho Potato Bowl between Toledo and Utah State, but I thought the end of the world was more important.

This might be something worth looking into, I thought.

It's called having a knack for the big story.

It was time to do some research.

This day of predicted catastrophe actually dates back to our friends in China. They didn't predict the end of the world, but it they said it wouldn't be good. Here's what we can expect, according to


2012 is Black Water Dragon Year. December of 2012 is Water Rat month. December 21, 2012, is Male Dragon day.

Okay, go on.

What's the meaning of Dragon to Water? Dragon contains Earth, Water and Wood. It is also called Water Dam in Chinese astrology. Water Dam is the source of Water. That means the Water of Black Water Dragon will never dry.

Well, duh.

Rat contains 100% Water. When Dragon meets Rat, they have attraction relationship into Water. That means Dragon will fully support Water. Therefore, December of 2012 is a very strong Water month.

Please tell me something I don't know.

In general, something to do with Water will be the main event happening in December, 2012.

Okay, that's one thing. But then those wacky Mayans took this and ran with it.

This is what has folks scrambling to do last-minute, "I love yous." This isn't about water in your basement or a flash flood.

It's over.

Here's what's going on, according to the Mayans and Wikipedia:

The Popol Vuh describes the gods first creating three failed worlds, followed by a successful fourth world in which humanity was placed. In the Mayan Long Count, the previous world ended after 13 b'ak'tuns, or roughly 5,125 years.

Oh, I forgot to mention ... the nine Mayan gods are the cause of all of this.

The Long Count's "zero date" was set at a point in the past marking the end of the third world and the beginning of the current one, which corresponds to Aug, 11, 3114 BC in the prophetic Gregorian calender.

Today, our weather folks --- with computers and satellites at their disposal --- can't predict tomorrow's weather. Talking about going out on a limb ... this prediction was made more than 5,000 years ago.

Anyway ...

This means that the fourth world will also have reached the end of its 13th b'ak'tun, or Mayan date, on Dec. 21, 2012.

Wow. I'd planned to clean out my garage that day. Stupid 13th b'ak'tun.

If this weren't enough research, I just watched a TV special about this Mayan mayhem.

One guy in the documentary said: It's well suggested that this is based on the Zolcan thought of human gestation of 260 days, when a woman misses her period and before the baby's due ... that it coincides with planetary gestation, that some sort of event will happen at the end of it.

Uh-huh. Like this Mayan guy with a pregnant wife was the first, or last, to deal with this. He just looked at the sky, wondered why this was happening, and decided to make some chart to get away from his wife who wanted some ox milk and pickled goat.

Here's what I think: whatever. If the Mayans were so smart, where are they today?

Predict the winner of the Super Bowl, that's what I'm talking about. Predict something important.

(One Mayan predicted the Chicago Cubs would win 17 World Series in the 20th century, according to some a really bad source. This guy was shunned from the tribe, as he should have been.)

End of the world? Hah. It's all ox droppings. Scientists and sportswriters don't believe a word of it. Obama was re-elected and we're still here, after all.

But just in case, I'm not buying any Christmas presents until Dec. 22.