85
      Saturday
      93 / 71
      Sunday
      93 / 72
      Monday
      86 / 70

      Black Friday comes early

      File photo

      I was minding my own business Friday when I heard the news.

      I'm sure you've heard it, too.

      Unsettling, to say the least. One of our favorites gone, like it never even existed.

      I questioned the man who told me the news --- and I did it at length.

      It was like a professional interview, me hounding this guy. I had to make sure.

      Here's a little inside baseball, if you will, on how a professional interview is conducted. I didn't have my recorder rolling, but everything else is spot-on.

      Top-shelf journalism. Do it right or don't do it at all. They pay me a lot of money to do this. This information shouldn't really be divulged to the general public, but here goes, starting after he broke the news to me:

      Me: "Huh?"

      Man: "I'm serious."

      Me: "No way, really? I mean, they've been doing this forever!"

      Man: "Way."

      Me: "I mean, this stuff has been around since I was a kid. I used to sit down with a glass of milk and enjoy this. You're kidding, right?"

      Man: "Nope.:

      Me: "Are too."

      Man: "No, I'm not."

      Me: "Are too."

      Man: "Am not."

      Me: "Uh-huh. Liar, liar pants on fire."

      Man: "Whatever."

      Me: "Whatever to you, liar!"

      So, that's how a great interview is conducted. Sometimes, you have to ask the tough questions.

      I COULD NOT BELIEVE what this man was telling me. It's hard to believe the unbelievable, after all.

      He told me the NHL season hadn't started.

      This was a gut shot. How could this happen?

      I've been enthralled by hockey since the Miracle on Ice in 1980. That's 32 years ago, sports fans.

      A long time ago.

      I haven't watched a game since then, but I've sure seen that movie. It was great!

      Luckily, I was at the store when I heard this news, so it was time for some serious comfort food.

      Goobers and Raisinets ... check.

      Pork rinds ... check.

      Tub of butter ... check.

      Twinkies ... not check. What's up with that? The shelf was cleaned out.

      Then, my hockey liar-man appeared. His grocery cart was filled with 47 boxes of Twinkies and a tub of butter.

      Me: "Nice. You lie about hockey and now you're taking all the Twinkies. Who ARE you?"

      Man: "You haven't heard this news, either? You need to get out more."

      Me: (laughing hysterically) "Now what? This should be a doozy, a real knee-slapper!"

      Man: "No more Twinkies after today. The whole company has shut down."

      Me: "This isn't funny. I'm going to call you Larry the liar, because that's who you are."

      (Sometimes, the interview turns ugly.)

      Man: "My name is Jim, actually."

      Me: "Liar."

      Man: "No, really, it's Jim. But that doesn't matter. No more Twinkies, no more Ho-Ho's, Suzy Q's, Ding Dongs or Sno Balls. The company has shut down."

      Me: "No more Ding Dongs?"

      Man: "Nope. Look."

      He showed me the news on his cell phone. Even though it was posted by CNN, I believed it.

      Sad.

      We lost a slice of Americana on Friday. It's sad for all of us, but it's much more sad for the 18,000 folks around the country who lost their jobs, including our friends in Boonville. It's certainly no laughing matter for them.

      Black Friday came a week early.

      Happy Holidays.