An open letter to Al Gore

Dear Al,

First, I want to thank you --- once again --- for inventing the Internet. Wow, what a good idea!

I wouldn't have a job without it. Or be able to check Facebook and see what my friends had for lunch. Or what their favorite treats are.

Who loves snickerdoodles? Meeeeeee!


And when they share pictures of what they're eating, wow ... that is special. If I could only hear them chewing their food ...

Perhaps you can get to that some day, Al.

But this is not about the Internet. This is about another major contribution you've made to our society.

I know what you're thinking. No, silly. This is not about that wacky and wonderful trip you took us on during the 2000 election. Have you gotten over that yet? Still throwing darts at pictures of GW and the Supreme Court?

And how's that hanging chad working out?


I never tire of that one.

But this is not about the Internet or hanging chads. This about something else you've given us.

Global Warming. No kidding. What An Inconvenient Truth.

Before we go any further, however, I must share a couple of things with you. First, my dog Baxter caught a moth in his mouth the other night. Then, about 10 seconds later, he opened his mouth and the moth flew out.


I'm lovin' your Internet lingo, too, as you can tell.

Second, your name, Al Gore --- really? That's as stupid as Mitt Romney. Nobody wants a guy named Al Gore or Mitt Romney running our country.

(But I think it would be funny, Al, if your middle names were "Blood And," don't you? That way, you'd be Al Blood And Gore!!!)


Or if Mitt's first name was actually Catcher's, then we could have had a president named Catcher's Mitt. Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Catcher's Mitt.


But either one of you, I'm guessing, would have been better than what we've got. You can't spell Barack Obama without the BO, after all.

Anyhoo, I digress. Let's get back to your Global Warming.

As I sat in front of the fireplace covered in two blankets, snacking on a snickerdoodle and sipping cocoa on May 2, I can only thank you for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Hold on ... BRB.

Okay, I'm back. Had to put another log on the fire.

This afternoon, after searching for a third blanket, I settled in to watch the Kansas City Royals play a game of professional baseball against the Tampa Bay Rays.

The Boys of Summer, you know. The Royals, by the way, are pretty good. Having said that, I hope this isn't a sign of hell freezing over.

Craziest thing happened ... it was snowed out. On May 2. Right here in Missouri. Another sign?

But then when you think about it, we had 10 inches of snow in late March. On Palm Sunday. Were you dreaming of a White Easter?

Now, we get snow in May, right here in God's Country.

Some people may curse this weather. Not me. Instead, I choose to thank you, Al, because it could have been SOOO much worse without your Global Warming!

Cinco de Mayo is coming up. Here's hoping for a white one ... Stinko de Mayo, perhaps?

Don't blame me, Al, I've done my best to help your GW cause (isn't it FUNNY that Global Warming starts with GW!!!! ... jk ... that may still be a sore subject.)

But on Earth Day, this year it was April 22, I did what I always do --- fill up my car up with high-octane gasoline, let it run all day, and shoot off three cans of aerosol hair spray into the ozone.

All in honor of GW.


Well, gotta go, need to put another log on the fire. Hang(ing chad) in there, my friend. Sorry, couldn't resist! :o)

Stay warm and I'll ttyl,